Speaking about choosing life from the perspective of a man who put his life in mortal peril every day, is the only appropriate way to speak about it, because it is only in contrast with death, that our reasons to live become clear. Saint Exupery writes from an era long ago that perhaps better understood men, because it did not punish them for not being women. It is no surprise then, that from this era should arise the most powerful ideas that can teach us about the male psyche.
"When women love, they surrender and trust. When men love, they protect and sacrifice."
"To allow him the comfort of his comrades and his hot meal and a peace that makes everything worth protecting."
Stunning writing. An accurate illustration of the dynamics of love, lost in today's collective despair and hopelessness. I believe men have more to benefit from this article than women do. It is because most men don't even know what they can expect from being loved by a woman. And it is the man who must become worthy of inspiring such a love.
" If a person is led to believe he is incapable of doing important things independently, and effectively, they will be psychologically stunted. "
Religion does this to a lot of people.
"This serves the parent who can make him even more dependent on him emotionally, financially and physically. In a relationship described as a “skewed family,” a parent, usually the mother, is unable to distinguish between the emotions and needs of the child, and her own. This contributes to the child’s lack of autonomy. As the child attempts to deal with the conflicting emotions of pleasing the parent, while struggling to recover some autonomy, the guilt and resentment brew aberrant behaviours that can present as psychosis."
This is "desi culture" in a nutshell. Yet I don't think most desis/South Asians/Indians are schizophrenic.
I think this comment was meant for my Anatomy of Madness essay, and not this one. If you wish to join the discussion there, you'll have to become a paying subscriber :)
Love St. Exupery, but I am pretty sure you missed the point on the slave story.
The slave walks away and dies because he was never really alive. His subjugation denied his basic humanity, and whatever you might call his "life" was so contingent on his master that it disappeared when he was no longer useful like an old dress or a broken spoon.
Exupery was a profound humanist. He paid to have a slave freed at one point. You seem enamored of a view of society where there is a place for everything and everything in its place, which was at the heart of the great sins of Roman and Greek antiquity, feudalism, colonialism, and the slave trade.
Hmm, this Is very interesting…I will have to reflect about it. You’re right about the slave. I would like to think I am a humanist too as I am against the buying and selling of people in any way. Perhaps I will write about slavery
Look especially into Helotic slavery practiced by Sparta. It is fascinating that we still hold Spartans as "virtuous" when their society may be among the most psychopathic structures in recorded human history.
I do not think we should hold up as a desireable model any society unless we would be willing to occupy any of the roles which members of that society were assigned. As Lincoln said: "As I would not be a slave, I cannot be a master" (or something like that ;) )
Megha, fantastic article. You nailed this: "one big mistake that modern women who love men make to protect the men they love: they treat them like their babies." Do women have the slightest idea of how this unthinking habit of theirs infuriates men? It's the source of deep conflict in male-female relationships of all stripes. Women are kindly invited to please stop doing this.
"But how can a dignified man feel honour and nobility if he leads his life taking orders from another man? Not being the leader of his own destiny? Do men need to be slaves to be happy? Saint Exupery also speaks of the bureaucrat who, like the slave, rounds his life with meaning by crunching numbers and enforcing regulations. These men live half-lives because although they are needed, and they survive, they do not live because they have not chosen courage. It is only when men do courageous things that they can feel they are living."
No wonder men are so depressed if they hear nonsense like this. Being an average guy and working an average paper pushing job is NORMAL. It doesn't mean he is living a "half-life". Besides, a job is just an income. It doesn't define the whole of a person's worth. The same "non-courageous" paper pushing bureaucrat may be the center of somebody's world. He may be the adored son of his parents. He may be a dedicated father. He may volunteer on weekends in a nursing home and bring joy to lonely old people. He may have started a community garden in his town. His job is just his income, not his whole life. One can be courageous (whatever that is supposed to mean) and be a regular guy with a regular job.
"Freedom requires a man to consider and be responsible for his own destiny"
We still don't know if free will exists or not, so "being responsible for our own destiny" may not even be possible. That said, adults should do their best to pay their own way through life and not become an undue burden on others.
"it requires him to forge his own connections to other men, and if he cannot he will suffer immensely."
Men should stop complaining and expecting women or people in general to take on the burden of the isolation and loneliness that we have created for ourselves. Don't have a girlfriend or even any male friends? Volunteer at an old age home and make friends there. There are so many lonely old people just withering away at these places and men could make their last days on earth meaningful.
And I'll add also that expectations of greatness sometimes create a sense of entitlement in people. People think they are "owed" opportunities at greatness or even worse, expect people to think they're great despite being ordinary like the rest of us. You see this in the Manosphere. You see this in the teachings of pickup artists who teach men to have "irrational self confidence". True confidence comes from tasks completed, and hopefully, well done. For some that could be something as simple as being able to cover one's own bills. At least one gains the confidence that they can support their own life financially - not a small task in today's world.
Rather than give men the idea we can reach great heights and gain accolades from the masses through courage, teach us the basics of Stoicism. Life is oftentimes boring at best. Most of us will go unnoticed by the vast majority of people we meet. With lowered expectations we can begin to appreciate the simple things in life and the people and things we actually DO have.
There is so much ungratefulness in men today. So much.
This is an absolutely pussy philosophy if I ever read one. This is the kind of thing men read to become disgusting wet WORMS. God I hope you grow a pair of balls at some point and regain some spark of LIFE in your sorry, sordid little spirit. Gosh I don’t even feel angry or offended by what you said, just disgusted, like I touched a worm
Just found this substack, so please forgive me for being late to the party.
I have always enjoyed “Sun, Wind and Stars”, and have a copy in my permanent collection. The casual heroism of the pilot/explorers of that era is inspiring, to say the least. The lack of self-consciousness of the pilots about their activities make them all the more heroic: Men doing their job without fuss or complaint, having awareness of the dangers, and yet carrying on. In this sense, at least, the advantages of a stoic nature arise. Its difficult to imagine a similar work of art coming from a female pen, quite frankly.
There are descriptions of travels at night towards destinations concealed by darkness, with the stoic acceptance that, if the engine fails or if unable to find a suitable airfield, one would reach the end of one’s rope. In the classic science fiction novel Dune (not the insipid current movie), the protagonist, Paul, flies in the midst of an enormous sandstorm, with no visibility through the windows except of the swirling tan sand, and concentrating on the task at hand, controlling the aircraft. The heroism of just doing what is in front of you in the face of danger without surrender to fear is underappreciated in this current culture, which prefers (or appears to prefer, at any rate), the big splashy singular action to establish a heroic legacy.
Thus, like you, I reject a stoical attitude of accepting crumbs from one’s employer or life situation without hope or attempt of betterment. Although human nature is weak, one should always have aspirations beyond one’s reach, to continue pressing towards the mark.
Great essay, but ....he was a pilot in the Free French Airforce, disappeared over the sea, near Corsica, in 1944 and body was never found (but a fisherman found his bracelt fifty years later....
From wikipedia:
Saint-Exupéry's last assigned reconnaissance mission was to collect intelligence on German troop movements in and around the Rhone Valley preceding the Allied invasion of southern France ("Operation Dragoon"). Although he had been reinstated to his old squadron with the provision that he was to fly only five missions,[55] on 31 July 1944, he took off in an unarmed P-38 on his ninth reconnaissance mission from an airbase on Corsica.[Note 8] To the great alarm of his squadron compatriots, he did not return, vanishing without a trace.[57][Note 9] Word of his disappearance soon spread across the literary world and then it spread into international headlines.[58][41]
Bracelet of Saint-Exupéry found in 1998
Part of the landing gear of Saint-Exupéry's plane, recovered from the Mediterranean, displayed at the French Air and Space Museum
In September 1998, to the east of Riou Island (south of Marseille) a fisherman found a silver identity bracelet bearing the names of Saint-Exupéry, his wife Consuelo,[59] and his American publisher, Reynal & Hitchcock. The bracelet was hooked to a piece of fabric, presumably from his flight suit.[24] Announcement of the discovery was an emotional event in France, where Saint-Exupéry was a national icon, and some disputed its authenticity because it was found far from his intended flight path, implying that the aircraft might not have been shot down.[60]
It intimidated me a lot, as a woman, to write this. "Who am I to know about man's greatest struggles?" But I took the leap anyway. Perhaps if more women understand, we can love the men we care about better.
You articulated it incredibly well. You put to words things I feel but couldn’t articulate. I must have stopped and said “DAMN” 7 or 8 times as I was reading it.
Thanks for the free one! I always enjoy your writing
"When women love, they surrender and trust. When men love, they protect and sacrifice."
"To allow him the comfort of his comrades and his hot meal and a peace that makes everything worth protecting."
Stunning writing. An accurate illustration of the dynamics of love, lost in today's collective despair and hopelessness. I believe men have more to benefit from this article than women do. It is because most men don't even know what they can expect from being loved by a woman. And it is the man who must become worthy of inspiring such a love.
Thank you!
This text gave me exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you.
It was so good and profound
Beautiful, Megha. My salutations.
Thankyou for this
Thank you for writing this article. It brought up a beautiful conversation between my wife and I.
" If a person is led to believe he is incapable of doing important things independently, and effectively, they will be psychologically stunted. "
Religion does this to a lot of people.
"This serves the parent who can make him even more dependent on him emotionally, financially and physically. In a relationship described as a “skewed family,” a parent, usually the mother, is unable to distinguish between the emotions and needs of the child, and her own. This contributes to the child’s lack of autonomy. As the child attempts to deal with the conflicting emotions of pleasing the parent, while struggling to recover some autonomy, the guilt and resentment brew aberrant behaviours that can present as psychosis."
This is "desi culture" in a nutshell. Yet I don't think most desis/South Asians/Indians are schizophrenic.
I think this comment was meant for my Anatomy of Madness essay, and not this one. If you wish to join the discussion there, you'll have to become a paying subscriber :)
Love St. Exupery, but I am pretty sure you missed the point on the slave story.
The slave walks away and dies because he was never really alive. His subjugation denied his basic humanity, and whatever you might call his "life" was so contingent on his master that it disappeared when he was no longer useful like an old dress or a broken spoon.
Exupery was a profound humanist. He paid to have a slave freed at one point. You seem enamored of a view of society where there is a place for everything and everything in its place, which was at the heart of the great sins of Roman and Greek antiquity, feudalism, colonialism, and the slave trade.
Hmm, this Is very interesting…I will have to reflect about it. You’re right about the slave. I would like to think I am a humanist too as I am against the buying and selling of people in any way. Perhaps I will write about slavery
Look especially into Helotic slavery practiced by Sparta. It is fascinating that we still hold Spartans as "virtuous" when their society may be among the most psychopathic structures in recorded human history.
I do not think we should hold up as a desireable model any society unless we would be willing to occupy any of the roles which members of that society were assigned. As Lincoln said: "As I would not be a slave, I cannot be a master" (or something like that ;) )
Megha, fantastic article. You nailed this: "one big mistake that modern women who love men make to protect the men they love: they treat them like their babies." Do women have the slightest idea of how this unthinking habit of theirs infuriates men? It's the source of deep conflict in male-female relationships of all stripes. Women are kindly invited to please stop doing this.
"But how can a dignified man feel honour and nobility if he leads his life taking orders from another man? Not being the leader of his own destiny? Do men need to be slaves to be happy? Saint Exupery also speaks of the bureaucrat who, like the slave, rounds his life with meaning by crunching numbers and enforcing regulations. These men live half-lives because although they are needed, and they survive, they do not live because they have not chosen courage. It is only when men do courageous things that they can feel they are living."
No wonder men are so depressed if they hear nonsense like this. Being an average guy and working an average paper pushing job is NORMAL. It doesn't mean he is living a "half-life". Besides, a job is just an income. It doesn't define the whole of a person's worth. The same "non-courageous" paper pushing bureaucrat may be the center of somebody's world. He may be the adored son of his parents. He may be a dedicated father. He may volunteer on weekends in a nursing home and bring joy to lonely old people. He may have started a community garden in his town. His job is just his income, not his whole life. One can be courageous (whatever that is supposed to mean) and be a regular guy with a regular job.
"Freedom requires a man to consider and be responsible for his own destiny"
We still don't know if free will exists or not, so "being responsible for our own destiny" may not even be possible. That said, adults should do their best to pay their own way through life and not become an undue burden on others.
"it requires him to forge his own connections to other men, and if he cannot he will suffer immensely."
Men should stop complaining and expecting women or people in general to take on the burden of the isolation and loneliness that we have created for ourselves. Don't have a girlfriend or even any male friends? Volunteer at an old age home and make friends there. There are so many lonely old people just withering away at these places and men could make their last days on earth meaningful.
And I'll add also that expectations of greatness sometimes create a sense of entitlement in people. People think they are "owed" opportunities at greatness or even worse, expect people to think they're great despite being ordinary like the rest of us. You see this in the Manosphere. You see this in the teachings of pickup artists who teach men to have "irrational self confidence". True confidence comes from tasks completed, and hopefully, well done. For some that could be something as simple as being able to cover one's own bills. At least one gains the confidence that they can support their own life financially - not a small task in today's world.
Rather than give men the idea we can reach great heights and gain accolades from the masses through courage, teach us the basics of Stoicism. Life is oftentimes boring at best. Most of us will go unnoticed by the vast majority of people we meet. With lowered expectations we can begin to appreciate the simple things in life and the people and things we actually DO have.
There is so much ungratefulness in men today. So much.
This is an absolutely pussy philosophy if I ever read one. This is the kind of thing men read to become disgusting wet WORMS. God I hope you grow a pair of balls at some point and regain some spark of LIFE in your sorry, sordid little spirit. Gosh I don’t even feel angry or offended by what you said, just disgusted, like I touched a worm
Just found this substack, so please forgive me for being late to the party.
I have always enjoyed “Sun, Wind and Stars”, and have a copy in my permanent collection. The casual heroism of the pilot/explorers of that era is inspiring, to say the least. The lack of self-consciousness of the pilots about their activities make them all the more heroic: Men doing their job without fuss or complaint, having awareness of the dangers, and yet carrying on. In this sense, at least, the advantages of a stoic nature arise. Its difficult to imagine a similar work of art coming from a female pen, quite frankly.
There are descriptions of travels at night towards destinations concealed by darkness, with the stoic acceptance that, if the engine fails or if unable to find a suitable airfield, one would reach the end of one’s rope. In the classic science fiction novel Dune (not the insipid current movie), the protagonist, Paul, flies in the midst of an enormous sandstorm, with no visibility through the windows except of the swirling tan sand, and concentrating on the task at hand, controlling the aircraft. The heroism of just doing what is in front of you in the face of danger without surrender to fear is underappreciated in this current culture, which prefers (or appears to prefer, at any rate), the big splashy singular action to establish a heroic legacy.
Thus, like you, I reject a stoical attitude of accepting crumbs from one’s employer or life situation without hope or attempt of betterment. Although human nature is weak, one should always have aspirations beyond one’s reach, to continue pressing towards the mark.
Au contraire, mon cheri. Stoicism is the elixir which returns life to men.
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May 6th, 2023, Saturday Morning, Index Number 1886:
Great essay, but ....he was a pilot in the Free French Airforce, disappeared over the sea, near Corsica, in 1944 and body was never found (but a fisherman found his bracelt fifty years later....
From wikipedia:
Saint-Exupéry's last assigned reconnaissance mission was to collect intelligence on German troop movements in and around the Rhone Valley preceding the Allied invasion of southern France ("Operation Dragoon"). Although he had been reinstated to his old squadron with the provision that he was to fly only five missions,[55] on 31 July 1944, he took off in an unarmed P-38 on his ninth reconnaissance mission from an airbase on Corsica.[Note 8] To the great alarm of his squadron compatriots, he did not return, vanishing without a trace.[57][Note 9] Word of his disappearance soon spread across the literary world and then it spread into international headlines.[58][41]
Bracelet of Saint-Exupéry found in 1998
Part of the landing gear of Saint-Exupéry's plane, recovered from the Mediterranean, displayed at the French Air and Space Museum
In September 1998, to the east of Riou Island (south of Marseille) a fisherman found a silver identity bracelet bearing the names of Saint-Exupéry, his wife Consuelo,[59] and his American publisher, Reynal & Hitchcock. The bracelet was hooked to a piece of fabric, presumably from his flight suit.[24] Announcement of the discovery was an emotional event in France, where Saint-Exupéry was a national icon, and some disputed its authenticity because it was found far from his intended flight path, implying that the aircraft might not have been shot down.[60]
My source is a historical paper published by close friends of his. I can link it to you but I’m too lazy.
It intimidated me a lot, as a woman, to write this. "Who am I to know about man's greatest struggles?" But I took the leap anyway. Perhaps if more women understand, we can love the men we care about better.
You articulated it incredibly well. You put to words things I feel but couldn’t articulate. I must have stopped and said “DAMN” 7 or 8 times as I was reading it.