30 Comments

As charming a post as I have ever read. It occurred to me as I read it that this is in many ways equally applicable to men. Of course, the man obsessed with his appearance is generally, in my view, more debased and shameful than a woman with a similar obsession, possibly just because physical beauty is more legitimately the lady's domain. The obsession with self, whatever form it takes, is the truly repellant thing, which makes any type of beauty or virtue repellant.

'Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.' -third chapter of Peter's First Epistle

I am aware of how our society views the ideas of submission and the 'weaker vessel' but isn't the unwillingness to see those things what has made our world such a miserable place?(literally a place without blessedness) True greatness, for any of us, consists in the ability to put another ahead of ourselves. The details are different for different people, but the principle is universal.

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As I thought about your post, I realised that I want my daughters to hear it so I will crosspost to my tiny audience.

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Jun 9, 2023Liked by Megha Lillywhite

Thanks, this article has been my birthday gift.

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Jun 7, 2023Liked by Megha Lillywhite

The only female example that I can think of off the top of my head is Andrea Botez, here she is playing chess with random people on Omegle -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7GFJzXCvxQ

The most I can offer the ladies, by way of advice that is. Engage in active listening, turn up your curiosity to maximum and your self consciousness down to zero, preferably without the use of alcohol etc. If you are good at banter, that's even better. If you really want to go the whole hog try Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

In short, that's what we said before TL;DR, I fully endorse your floccinaucinihilipilification of the current narcissism of looks over charm.

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Of course pretty privilege exists, for men and women both. Charm is more appreciated coming from a good looking person. So that person will have not only pretty privilege but charm privilege as well. And if they have money to boot? Forgettaboutit!

Regarding the "What We Owe The West" bit. I've lived all over the West and the East and this current romanticization of "the East" from people who have never been there, is b.s. There are lovely people everywhere but so are problems. MAJOR problems. It's like these chronically online teenage boys believing Ali Tate when he says "Islam fixes all problems" and then Muslim men getting all excited that "the whole Manosphere will convert to Islam now". It's all bull.

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There is attractive capital that those with maximized adaptive morphology carry that others with less adaptive morphology don’t have. People want to be friends with attractive people because their friendship is inherently more valuable because they are able to exchange this attractive capital for favors, preferential treatment and movement up the social hierarchy. Of course there are various types of capital, (social capital, intellectual capital, physical capital), but morphologic capital is the most instantaneous and easily (often subconsciously) exchangeable capital. Why? Because physical beauty is the closest native human perceivable physical manifestation indicating fertility. Fertility (fertile wombs in mammals specifically) is the single most determinative resource for reproducing organisms. Beauty is the physical manifestation of the hope of lineages continuing in perpetuity. Check out “The Evolution of Beauty” by Richard Prum

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Haha! You're 100% correct.

Most people don't care what someone looks like if they're a drag. As you point out, the people who are "all about themselves" are very annoying as well. Nobody enjoys being around people like that.

I've always said, "It's not as much the way you look, as the way you act."

There's always that dude who looks like a total dweeb, yet lands a "Marlin." It's not the looks that got him there, it's the way he makes his woman feel.

Similarly, good looking people are often more confident, myself included. 😉👉 But seriously, confident people make other people feel better, because they're not focused on "fronting" which is another annoying attribute.

There's a reason that nobody likes fake people -- in the real world. Fake people are either insecure, or they have something to hide. Either way, most (for lack of a better term) real people don't feel comfortable around fake people, it's like you can sense their inner strife. I don't have a good explanation, but fake people are unnerving. Something there is not right.

It's best to just come to grips with what you're given, and just try to be a good person. If you do that, people will be drawn to you.

Oh, and one more thing. That chick that's always drawn to "bad boys" is not worth the trouble -- ever, she has an agenda. 🤣😂

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The vast majority of people the world over are not pretty. On a looks scale 1-10 most people are 5's and below. Yet they seem to do ok in pairing up with their more-or-less looks equals. In some cultures this happens via forced or arranged marriages while in others through assortative dating.

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I knew a woman whose face was partially distorted from an accident. But she dressed and acted with more feminine confidence than many women.

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I'm unable to deal with emotions regarding this, I know I'm not supposed feel hostile towards good looking people.

But it doesn't go away and it's not like like i want to be insufferable.

I don't understand what you mean by charm.

I try my best to improve my shitty humour and flirting skills. (If you mean that)

If I'm interpreting this right i don't think it is viable solution, like make up it will be harder to maintain once get in relationship or spend more time together.

I would be grateful if you can expand on this.

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deletedJun 7, 2023·edited Jun 7, 2023Liked by Megha Lillywhite
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