As charming a post as I have ever read. It occurred to me as I read it that this is in many ways equally applicable to men. Of course, the man obsessed with his appearance is generally, in my view, more debased and shameful than a woman with a similar obsession, possibly just because physical beauty is more legitimately the lady's domain. The obsession with self, whatever form it takes, is the truly repellant thing, which makes any type of beauty or virtue repellant.
'Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.' -third chapter of Peter's First Epistle
I am aware of how our society views the ideas of submission and the 'weaker vessel' but isn't the unwillingness to see those things what has made our world such a miserable place?(literally a place without blessedness) True greatness, for any of us, consists in the ability to put another ahead of ourselves. The details are different for different people, but the principle is universal.
So glad I have avoided watching any of the Tate stuff. Venn diagram is a good description. They are complementary, two halves of a whole different but made for one another.
The most I can offer the ladies, by way of advice that is. Engage in active listening, turn up your curiosity to maximum and your self consciousness down to zero, preferably without the use of alcohol etc. If you are good at banter, that's even better. If you really want to go the whole hog try Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
In short, that's what we said before TL;DR, I fully endorse your floccinaucinihilipilification of the current narcissism of looks over charm.
Of course pretty privilege exists, for men and women both. Charm is more appreciated coming from a good looking person. So that person will have not only pretty privilege but charm privilege as well. And if they have money to boot? Forgettaboutit!
Regarding the "What We Owe The West" bit. I've lived all over the West and the East and this current romanticization of "the East" from people who have never been there, is b.s. There are lovely people everywhere but so are problems. MAJOR problems. It's like these chronically online teenage boys believing Ali Tate when he says "Islam fixes all problems" and then Muslim men getting all excited that "the whole Manosphere will convert to Islam now". It's all bull.
There is attractive capital that those with maximized adaptive morphology carry that others with less adaptive morphology don’t have. People want to be friends with attractive people because their friendship is inherently more valuable because they are able to exchange this attractive capital for favors, preferential treatment and movement up the social hierarchy. Of course there are various types of capital, (social capital, intellectual capital, physical capital), but morphologic capital is the most instantaneous and easily (often subconsciously) exchangeable capital. Why? Because physical beauty is the closest native human perceivable physical manifestation indicating fertility. Fertility (fertile wombs in mammals specifically) is the single most determinative resource for reproducing organisms. Beauty is the physical manifestation of the hope of lineages continuing in perpetuity. Check out “The Evolution of Beauty” by Richard Prum
Hmm...wasn’t trying to be a jerk, sorry if it came off that way. I think carefully about how we are all descendants of descendants of descendants. We all are carrying a torch that we did not start and I hope we will not put out. I happen to have a cosmology which includes the divine as the basis for that torch, and in my cosmology evolution explains the mechanisms of the divine process of creation across time. Evolutionary thinking has helped me make sense of the chaos and see the order that is divinely conjured from that chaos. But hey I’m just trying to point out your basic point, beauty is a plus, but only one small piece of the overall human connection paradigm
Ha ha, yes, I agree, evolution is fake and gay, or more particularly evolutionary psychology is fake and gay. It is so because it is built on a false paradigm, namely physicalism, which is a dumb paradigm. We are not just jumbles of jiggling molecules. That is so retarded.
Most people don't care what someone looks like if they're a drag. As you point out, the people who are "all about themselves" are very annoying as well. Nobody enjoys being around people like that.
I've always said, "It's not as much the way you look, as the way you act."
There's always that dude who looks like a total dweeb, yet lands a "Marlin." It's not the looks that got him there, it's the way he makes his woman feel.
Similarly, good looking people are often more confident, myself included. 😉👉 But seriously, confident people make other people feel better, because they're not focused on "fronting" which is another annoying attribute.
There's a reason that nobody likes fake people -- in the real world. Fake people are either insecure, or they have something to hide. Either way, most (for lack of a better term) real people don't feel comfortable around fake people, it's like you can sense their inner strife. I don't have a good explanation, but fake people are unnerving. Something there is not right.
It's best to just come to grips with what you're given, and just try to be a good person. If you do that, people will be drawn to you.
Oh, and one more thing. That chick that's always drawn to "bad boys" is not worth the trouble -- ever, she has an agenda. 🤣😂
The vast majority of people the world over are not pretty. On a looks scale 1-10 most people are 5's and below. Yet they seem to do ok in pairing up with their more-or-less looks equals. In some cultures this happens via forced or arranged marriages while in others through assortative dating.
I'm unable to deal with emotions regarding this, I know I'm not supposed feel hostile towards good looking people.
But it doesn't go away and it's not like like i want to be insufferable.
I don't understand what you mean by charm.
I try my best to improve my shitty humour and flirting skills. (If you mean that)
If I'm interpreting this right i don't think it is viable solution, like make up it will be harder to maintain once get in relationship or spend more time together.
Hi Sohan. I feel ya, man. There used to be "charm schools", primarily or entirely for women (not my generation so don't know) if they had them for men too, but I think we should bring them back for both (all, ha) genders. However, being considered PHYSICALLY unattractive in your society is a hurdle that better looking people just cannot understand. It will set someone back socially in most circumstances. If you want to get married someday and if you come from a culture that still arranges marriages, that is your best bet. If so, be grateful that you have that option because people from cultures that don't have system have to rely entirely upon themselves and the dating scene, which can be brutal for people considered physically unattractive. But people should not expect to be paired up with someone who is considerably more attractive than themselves. If you are a 4 on a scale from 1-10, it is natural, right and good for you to be paired with someone is a 4, or at most a 5 going up, or a 3 going down.
Though you may not have been fat yourself, you were most likely her "looks-equal". Assortative mating is the norm the world over and the vast majority of people are average looking and below.
Interesting. Can you point me to some links which detail this phenomena of characteristic physiognomy of sexual abuse survivors? The pick-up/hook-up sector of the Manosphere advises men to target women who are survivors of CSA. Yes, that's how evil and depraved the Manosphere can be. As far as looks-matching assortative mating, I don't see it as a principle but it's something that was obvious to me from a very young age as most of the couples I came across were looks-matched more or less within 1 point of each other. Rarely will you find a 4 with an 8 but it does happen.
The Manosphere is just one big grift, it's been that way since the beginning. The latest iteration of it is pretty much unabashed about the fact that they don't give a rat's ass about men and boys at all. Andrew and Tristan Tater Tots are the perfect leaders the Manosphere deserves. Openly flaunting their disdain for the men and boys who sign up for their various MLM scams. Laughing all the way to the crypto bank. Tristan explains here how Muslim and Christian trolls vie for his soul after his bro's conversion to Islam, but how he silently remained a Christian pimp in the sex industry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6HzWfg5izg
As charming a post as I have ever read. It occurred to me as I read it that this is in many ways equally applicable to men. Of course, the man obsessed with his appearance is generally, in my view, more debased and shameful than a woman with a similar obsession, possibly just because physical beauty is more legitimately the lady's domain. The obsession with self, whatever form it takes, is the truly repellant thing, which makes any type of beauty or virtue repellant.
'Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.' -third chapter of Peter's First Epistle
I am aware of how our society views the ideas of submission and the 'weaker vessel' but isn't the unwillingness to see those things what has made our world such a miserable place?(literally a place without blessedness) True greatness, for any of us, consists in the ability to put another ahead of ourselves. The details are different for different people, but the principle is universal.
So glad I have avoided watching any of the Tate stuff. Venn diagram is a good description. They are complementary, two halves of a whole different but made for one another.
As I thought about your post, I realised that I want my daughters to hear it so I will crosspost to my tiny audience.
“I want my daughters to hear your writing” is possibly the highest compliment I’ve achieved. 🙏
Seconding this. Though I wonder if 9 is too young to parse the essay.
Thanks, this article has been my birthday gift.
The only female example that I can think of off the top of my head is Andrea Botez, here she is playing chess with random people on Omegle -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7GFJzXCvxQ
The most I can offer the ladies, by way of advice that is. Engage in active listening, turn up your curiosity to maximum and your self consciousness down to zero, preferably without the use of alcohol etc. If you are good at banter, that's even better. If you really want to go the whole hog try Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
In short, that's what we said before TL;DR, I fully endorse your floccinaucinihilipilification of the current narcissism of looks over charm.
Of course pretty privilege exists, for men and women both. Charm is more appreciated coming from a good looking person. So that person will have not only pretty privilege but charm privilege as well. And if they have money to boot? Forgettaboutit!
Regarding the "What We Owe The West" bit. I've lived all over the West and the East and this current romanticization of "the East" from people who have never been there, is b.s. There are lovely people everywhere but so are problems. MAJOR problems. It's like these chronically online teenage boys believing Ali Tate when he says "Islam fixes all problems" and then Muslim men getting all excited that "the whole Manosphere will convert to Islam now". It's all bull.
There is attractive capital that those with maximized adaptive morphology carry that others with less adaptive morphology don’t have. People want to be friends with attractive people because their friendship is inherently more valuable because they are able to exchange this attractive capital for favors, preferential treatment and movement up the social hierarchy. Of course there are various types of capital, (social capital, intellectual capital, physical capital), but morphologic capital is the most instantaneous and easily (often subconsciously) exchangeable capital. Why? Because physical beauty is the closest native human perceivable physical manifestation indicating fertility. Fertility (fertile wombs in mammals specifically) is the single most determinative resource for reproducing organisms. Beauty is the physical manifestation of the hope of lineages continuing in perpetuity. Check out “The Evolution of Beauty” by Richard Prum
Evolution is fake and gay. Turning socializing into calculus doesn’t make you more charming, also.
Hmm...wasn’t trying to be a jerk, sorry if it came off that way. I think carefully about how we are all descendants of descendants of descendants. We all are carrying a torch that we did not start and I hope we will not put out. I happen to have a cosmology which includes the divine as the basis for that torch, and in my cosmology evolution explains the mechanisms of the divine process of creation across time. Evolutionary thinking has helped me make sense of the chaos and see the order that is divinely conjured from that chaos. But hey I’m just trying to point out your basic point, beauty is a plus, but only one small piece of the overall human connection paradigm
I hope you’ll read my evolution essay when I get around to it!!
Also I wasn’t trying to be charming...
Ha ha, yes, I agree, evolution is fake and gay, or more particularly evolutionary psychology is fake and gay. It is so because it is built on a false paradigm, namely physicalism, which is a dumb paradigm. We are not just jumbles of jiggling molecules. That is so retarded.
Do physically attractive women experience more sexual harassment/violence than less attractive women?
Haha! You're 100% correct.
Most people don't care what someone looks like if they're a drag. As you point out, the people who are "all about themselves" are very annoying as well. Nobody enjoys being around people like that.
I've always said, "It's not as much the way you look, as the way you act."
There's always that dude who looks like a total dweeb, yet lands a "Marlin." It's not the looks that got him there, it's the way he makes his woman feel.
Similarly, good looking people are often more confident, myself included. 😉👉 But seriously, confident people make other people feel better, because they're not focused on "fronting" which is another annoying attribute.
There's a reason that nobody likes fake people -- in the real world. Fake people are either insecure, or they have something to hide. Either way, most (for lack of a better term) real people don't feel comfortable around fake people, it's like you can sense their inner strife. I don't have a good explanation, but fake people are unnerving. Something there is not right.
It's best to just come to grips with what you're given, and just try to be a good person. If you do that, people will be drawn to you.
Oh, and one more thing. That chick that's always drawn to "bad boys" is not worth the trouble -- ever, she has an agenda. 🤣😂
The vast majority of people the world over are not pretty. On a looks scale 1-10 most people are 5's and below. Yet they seem to do ok in pairing up with their more-or-less looks equals. In some cultures this happens via forced or arranged marriages while in others through assortative dating.
I knew a woman whose face was partially distorted from an accident. But she dressed and acted with more feminine confidence than many women.
I'm unable to deal with emotions regarding this, I know I'm not supposed feel hostile towards good looking people.
But it doesn't go away and it's not like like i want to be insufferable.
I don't understand what you mean by charm.
I try my best to improve my shitty humour and flirting skills. (If you mean that)
If I'm interpreting this right i don't think it is viable solution, like make up it will be harder to maintain once get in relationship or spend more time together.
I would be grateful if you can expand on this.
Hi Sohan. I feel ya, man. There used to be "charm schools", primarily or entirely for women (not my generation so don't know) if they had them for men too, but I think we should bring them back for both (all, ha) genders. However, being considered PHYSICALLY unattractive in your society is a hurdle that better looking people just cannot understand. It will set someone back socially in most circumstances. If you want to get married someday and if you come from a culture that still arranges marriages, that is your best bet. If so, be grateful that you have that option because people from cultures that don't have system have to rely entirely upon themselves and the dating scene, which can be brutal for people considered physically unattractive. But people should not expect to be paired up with someone who is considerably more attractive than themselves. If you are a 4 on a scale from 1-10, it is natural, right and good for you to be paired with someone is a 4, or at most a 5 going up, or a 3 going down.
We have to be realistic.
Thank you for clarifying and taking your time.
Though you may not have been fat yourself, you were most likely her "looks-equal". Assortative mating is the norm the world over and the vast majority of people are average looking and below.
Interesting. Can you point me to some links which detail this phenomena of characteristic physiognomy of sexual abuse survivors? The pick-up/hook-up sector of the Manosphere advises men to target women who are survivors of CSA. Yes, that's how evil and depraved the Manosphere can be. As far as looks-matching assortative mating, I don't see it as a principle but it's something that was obvious to me from a very young age as most of the couples I came across were looks-matched more or less within 1 point of each other. Rarely will you find a 4 with an 8 but it does happen.
The Manosphere is just one big grift, it's been that way since the beginning. The latest iteration of it is pretty much unabashed about the fact that they don't give a rat's ass about men and boys at all. Andrew and Tristan Tater Tots are the perfect leaders the Manosphere deserves. Openly flaunting their disdain for the men and boys who sign up for their various MLM scams. Laughing all the way to the crypto bank. Tristan explains here how Muslim and Christian trolls vie for his soul after his bro's conversion to Islam, but how he silently remained a Christian pimp in the sex industry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6HzWfg5izg